


Dark Pearl

by desade1970



Category: The Borgias (2011)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 06:38:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1972659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desade1970/pseuds/desade1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Desade1970 and 50251sid met on AO3 and transatlantic vibes immediately began to hum.  A fresh new Dynamic Duo of literary collaboration was born.  </p>
<p>For the story entitled “A Pearl Of Great Price,” desade1970 created Remedios; however, 50251sid felt unable to do her literary justice.  It was decided, therefore, that Remedios should have her own story, and none but her creator ought to tell it.  <br/>50351sid </p>
<p>My special thanks to 50351sid who had the wonderful idea of a medieval setting and created such a compelling story as Pearl and did not mind sharing it with me. Although the time setting of Dark Pearl is slightly later there will be an abundance of references to Sid’s original story. I hope you won’t accuse me of plagiarism and the story will find some favor in your eyes.<br/>Desade1970</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. From Lucrezia with Love

**Author's Note:**

> Desade1970 and 50251sid met on AO3 and transatlantic vibes immediately began to hum. A fresh new Dynamic Duo of literary collaboration was born. 
> 
> For the story entitled “A Pearl Of Great Price,” desade1970 created Remedios; however, 50251sid felt unable to do her literary justice. It was decided, therefore, that Remedios should have her own story, and none but her creator ought to tell it.   
> 50351sid 
> 
> My special thanks to 50351sid who had the wonderful idea of a medieval setting and created such a compelling story as Pearl and did not mind sharing it with me. Although the time setting of Dark Pearl is slightly later there will be an abundance of references to Sid’s original story. I hope you won’t accuse me of plagiarism and the story will find some favor in your eyes.  
> Desade1970

For Cesare, every day since Lucrezia’s death had been just a moment in a neverending night. And each single one void of life. Of course, life did go on and held its moments of joy and happiness – for the others but not for him. He had stepped out of the family picture an onlooker only not really being part of it anymore. 

He saw his sons grow up into youths soon ready to enter young adulthood. He saw Vanozza’s dark hair turn white and Rodrigo getting stooped and more frail year by year by year. He saw Micheletto return without Jofré whom he had to bury in foreign soil after Jofré had been killed in a petty tavern brawl. He saw that his dear friend and cousin had aged beyond years and returned ill. 

Micheletto felt deeply ashamed that he had failed to keep his promise to protect Jofré. However, nobody of the family ever would have conceived of holding it against him. And it was Vanozza who told him:

“I know that you did your best, Micheletto. But I think Jofré was beyond saving. He obviously did not want to be saved. And if somebody does not want to be saved then there is nothing the others can do.” 

She was talking to Micheletto but looking at him. 

The only time Cesare felt something akin to life again was when Lucrezia María`s engagement to a neighboring landowner was announced and she and the family started with the preparations for the wedding. His niece Lucrezia María had always been the apple of his eye as dear to him as if she had been his own. And in some ways he really was her father because Lucrezia had given her the breast. How often had she lain on the bed in between Lucrezia and himself sleeping or softly gurgling away. For him Lucrezia María was the dearest link to Lucrezia and the happy times of his youth when life had held golden promises only and knew nothing of loss and sorrow.

Although he was just the uncle Cesare wanted to give her a most lavish wedding and asked Juan not just to share the cost but being allowed to add a considerable sum to her dowry. And then he surprised his family by announcing that he would very much like to come along to Xativa helping with the shopping. He who had never once left the Hazienda since Lucrezia’s death! As Lucrezia’s 10th anniversary fell into the time of their visit they made arrangements for her requiem mass at the Borja chapel in La Seo rather than celebrating it in their unpretentious chapel at home. 

To honor truth: The town proved rather too much for him. Too many people buzzing around. According to the treaty the  
Arabs had left Xativa by and by completely giving over to King Jaime I of Aragon the previous year. Their military had left but most of the Arab and Jewish inhabitants had stayed because Jaime I had given them wide-ranging guarantees. Adding to the old population a whole lot of Christians from other parts of the Aragonese kingdom had flooded the town because Xativa had been granted considerable privileges and the King was encouraging Christian settlers to come to his new territories. The town had always been wealthy because of the paper mills but now everybody felt the dawn of a whole new era of prosperity.

The morning Lucrezia’s office was to be held Cesare washed before he put on his habitual black clothing. He paused to study his face in the rippling water of the washing basin. It was the first time he noticed that he too had aged. There were creases of sun around his eyes and he had not been aware of the streak of silver that had stolen into his hair. He was well into his 4th decade now, he was not young anymore. Soon he would have to ask his father to share his reading stone. 

The memorial service was to be held shortly before morning mass. The whole family and some of the servants who had already been serving his family in Lucrezia’s time assembled in the Borja chapel. While the priest read the words his mind drifted off taking their usual route. Lucrezia, my Lucrezia why have you forsaken me? How do you expect me to survive in this wilderness without you? There is no remedy for me unless you send me a sign. Please send me a sign, any sign that there is hope for us. But of course, there was no answer. Just silence. 

Just silence? A sudden commotion and shouting in the main church caught his attention. He was furious. Who dared to disturb Lucrezia’s ceremony? Who dared in this sacred place? Entering the main nave he noticed that a crowd had gathered in the vicinity of the altar whereas others were fleeing to the exit. 

“The devil, the devil has found his way into the church.”  
“He has taken possession of a woman to enter this holy place!”  
“She is possessed by evil. She should be burnt!”  
“Let’s get out of here. This is catching!” 

Dividing the crowd he saw the body of a woman writhing on the ground. Her head was viciously jerking from left to right to left. The next moment her body was arching obscenely exposing some of her lower body to the gawking crowd. 

Everybody stared. Nobody helped. In Jerusalem, still being a Templar, he had seen quite some of those people. They had all gone on this dangerous pilgrimage to seek God’s blessing hoping to find cure from their affliction. He knelt down trying to stabilize her head before she hurt herself banging it on the marble floor. That poor, miserable woman.

Then the fit came to an end. Her body went still, her face went still and when she opened her eyes he was looking into two amazingly dark pools mirroring the moon and the stars. At first, she still seemed confused about her whereabouts but then a smile formed on her generous mouth which was framed by dimples. 

“Cesare Borja”. 

He was flabbergasted. He was sure he had never seen this woman. That he did not know her. However, her voice broke the spell which held the crowd. 

“She is possessed – she has to die!”  
“She is possessed! She has to burn.”  
“Let’s burn her!”

Her smile vanished instantly giving way to fear. He rose and helped her to get up shielding her with his body. Juan, his father, Micheletto and the male servants formed a protective ring around him and the woman. Where the hell was the priest? Why was there never a priest when you needed one? It was THEIR house, for god’s sake. Instead, one of the deacons fought his way through the crowd and said: 

“Don Rodrigo, Don Cesare – please let go of this woman. We will take care of her and save her eternal soul. The purge of the fire will save her eternal life.”

Her desperate “No” rang through the church. 

It was almost like a déjà vu. Jerusalem. The executioner waiting. And Lucrezia dividing the crowd. 

“No! No, please spare her. She has done nothing to deserve such treatment. This lady is suffering from an affliction - nothing else. During my time in Jerusalem, I have seen many of them seeking the blessing of god. Please spare her.”

The mood of the crowd was undecided. He had to seize the moment. His words came without thinking.

“Give her to me. Marry her to me. I swear to you, I will take her away from here. To our estate. She will never set a foot in this church again if this is what you want.”

And this is how he had come to Xativa to prepare his niece’s wedding and had ended up being married himself. His new wife a complete stranger, not a young girl anymore, dark and - all in all - nothing, nothing like Lucrezia. However, Remedios – because this was her name - should henceforth be his wife.


	2. The Prisoner, 1

The whole ceremony had been a farce. The congregation was a crowd watching a fair ground spectacle. The deacon and the bride groom had to ask for the bride’s name. There was no wedding ring. Yet, nobody in his family had felt amused. No, not at all.

The wedding left him feeling amazed, the women of his family, foremost his mother, looked appalled, his father, Juan and his sons unbelieving and Micheletto apprehensive. The only one who seemed to share a feeling close to his was his newly minted bride, Remedios. She looked completely astonished, not sure whether she should really trust her eyes and ears. The Borja family leaving the cathedral and heading to their palace resembled a defeated rebel army on a hasty retreat. The men had to draw their swords to cut a passage way through the mob. He held Remedios close, once more shielding her with his body. She was shaking. He could feel the ripples going through her.

“Don’t be afraid. We’ll be safe soon.”

“It’s not that, Don Cesare. I think…I think I’ am very close to another attack. Oh. my God, they will tear you and your family to pieces!”

He sensed how she fell off the brink and started drowning. His iron grip must have hurt her.

“Remedios, try to hold on …just a little bit longer. We are almost home. The palace is a fortress. …You’ll be safe. We’ll be safe. Try to hold on.”

He propelled her through the crowded lanes towards the safe haven of the Borja palace. They had hardly bolted and barred the massive gate when Remedios started convulsing. They had to pin her to the ground and it was him again who held her head. The attack left her weak. She seemed dazed and was staggering. He gathered her in his arms and carried her to his room putting her on the bed. They were at a loss what to do. No doctor would come near her for sure. It was Remedios who suggested sending for an Arab doctor called Ben Isa. Obviously, he had treated her before.

The medico gave her a light sleeping draught and advised that somebody should sit with her just in case. However, he was quite sure that the peak of the fits had been reached by now. Monica volunteered while Cesare and the rest of the family met with the doctor. Cesare seized the opportunity to ask the doctor not only for medical advice but to inquire about her family. Her family needed to be informed.

“There is no family left I think. Her father, an apothecary, died a fortnight ago. It was only her and her father. They came last year from Teruel. Obviously, her illness had caused an incident and they more or less had to flee from there.”

Ben Isa looked at him.

“Please be kind to her. I don’t think she has had much of a life up till now. Her father hid her. She was not allowed to leave the house lest receive visitors. Nobody was supposed to know. Can you imagine, I had been working rather closely with him for 6 months before events forced him to tell me that he had a daughter. She had fallen down the staircase and had suffered a concussion and a broken arm because of an attack. She could not have gone without medical assistance then. Personally, I don’t think she is possessed. She is just ill. Maybe kindness, a loving family will keep those attacks at bay. They will come and go but they seem to be worsened by physical or mental exhaustion. She had to deal with quite a lot recently. Her father became ill suddenly and despite all my efforts he died. He had not prepared her for this. Not in the least. She who had never set a foot outside the house needed to leave and go to the market and deal with people. It must have taken all her courage.”

Cesare decided to accompany Ben Isa to his home. It was pretty clear that there was something the medico had not wanted to tell in front of the family and that Ben Isa wanted to talk in private. He made a shortcut approaching the matter. “Ben Isa, what is it? Obviously, there is something else you need to tell me.”

Ben Isa took a deep breath. “Hmmm….You seem to be a kind man. I would like to ask you to let her settle down a bit before you consummate your marriage. …She does not know. She is a child in a woman’s body. She does not know.”

Cesare was stunned. He had not wasted a single thought on the consequences during the wedding ceremony. And he certainly had not thought of the wedding bed until now. It seemed he had married not just an ill woman but a weak-minded one too. Yet, she had not struck him to be…inane.

“So you think she is …weak-minded?”

“No! NO! In fact, Dona Remedios is a very intelligent woman. And a learned one. She can read and write. She does know Latin and even some Arab. She kept the accounting books for her father and he taught her about plants and remedies. But she does not know the ways of the world. She grew up in almost complete solitude. The only companions her father and some books. She gained her knowledge of the world through books and through her father. And her father… Her foster mother took care of her as a little girl and loved her for all Dona Remedios had told me. But unfortunately, that woman died when she was seven. Her father did not tell her about…certain things. It occurred to me…that he had not told her anything when she asked me how her bleedings are linked to her fits. She has tried to make a connection between her monthly courses and her fits. Somebody has to tell her about those things…Maybe your mother can? All those relations and interactions in a normal family will be complicated enough for her to get accustomed to. How much more does this apply to the marital ones? She mustn’t be scared. Let her settle into your family, let her get to know you first.”

Cesare returned home not sure what to make of this. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by the situation he himself had created. He certainly had no desire to share the bed with his new wife. He simply wasn’t able to. He had not felt any desires of the flesh ever since Lucrezia had died. He had died with her and it was just thanks to a cursed fate and his believe that he was not sharing her grave now. However, from now on he would be the one responsible to take care of Remedios. He was to make sure that she was safe and being welcomed as a member of the family. He drew himself up and walked to the room where they had installed Remedios. His room.

Monica told him that despite the sleeping draught Remedios still was up. Restless and anxious at times. He thanked Monica and asked her to have a rest herself. The day had taken its toll from everybody already and it was only past noon. He would sit with Remedios now.

“How are you, Remedios?”

She tried to sit up but he gently urged her not to.

“Don Cesare, I am so sorry. You and your family are so kind. And now everybody is in danger because of me.”

“Don’t worry. This house is a fortress. My brother and I have put guards on the house. But I don’t think that there will be an attack. The mob wouldn’t dare. My family is well respected in Xativa. Acknowledged by King Jaime because of the peace treaty we were heavily involved with. Most probably, because of this we will get a new coat of armor in the near future. And our servants are loyal to the Borja family. Don’t worry. Get some rest now. As soon as you have recovered we will go to your home to collect your clothes and the most immediate things and then we’ll leave for the hazienda.”

“Don Cesare, do you really want me to come with you?”

His answer applied as much to him as to her. “A little late to ask such things. You are my wife now. And what else could you be doing? Where else could you be going? Ben Isa told me that there is no family left.”

“That’s right. There was just Father and I. Mother died giving birth to me. But after Father’s death I thought a great deal about my future. I thought that I could sell the house and take the money and go on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem or Santiago at least. To ask God to have mercy on me. To ask Him to relieve me from this ordeal.”

So she hadn’t heard about Jerusalem. How could she in her solitude?

“You cannot know this, Remedios. But you cannot go on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem or Santiago at the moment. Far too dangerous. Jerusalem has fallen into the hands of the Saracens 2 years ago. There are ongoing negotiations about admitting the pilgrims into the city again. Santiago is dangerous too. Up north, the authorities are still chasing what is left of the Cathar movement. As Jerusalem their stronghold Montségur has fallen in ’44. Everybody travelling there seems to be under suspicion.”

_Not to mention what they would do to you if you had a fit, Remedios. They are inclined to see the devil everywhere at the moment._

He saw her disappointment. How much hope she must have put into that idea. He remembered Ben Isa’s words. _Most of the afflicted won’t die from the illness itself but from indirect causes. The injuries to the head when falling. Drowning while swimming. A considerable number of those people tend to kill themselves, Don Cesare. They want to die because they no longer bear to be ostracized. Very well knowing that suicide is considered a very grave sin in both our religions. That’s the real evil of this condition._

Cesare lightly stroked her forehead. It felt hot but dry. She didn’t run a fever.

Desperate to get her off a miserable train of thoughts he himself knew far too well he tried to joke: “Sorry for being the bearer of bad news. But hey…if you still want to go on an _aventure_ why not starting with me and the rest of the Borja family?” He got serious again. “We could always consider a pilgrimage to Santiago once the roads have become safer again. I’ll promise. But don’t expect too much. During my time in Jerusalem I saw quite some people with your illness. They all had gone on that dangerous pilgrimage. To my knowledge not one of them was cured on a permanent basis.”

He had caught her attention. She sat up. “Don Cesare, you have been to Jerusalem? When? What for?”

He smiled. It hurt. He was not used to smiling anymore.

“It seems we will have to learn a lot about each other, Remedios. But you will find that we have some things in common. Well, I was a Templar Knight, once. But I left the order to get married. Because getting married was the only way of being saved from execution by the Saracens. My first wife, Lucrezia, she saved me. She pleaded with the Saracen general to marry me to her. And he was a generous man. He granted her that wish. We left Jerusalem and we returned to my father’s home.”

“She died, didn’t she? What happened?”

“She died in childbed. With our little daughter. That’s what happened. Today is the 10th anniversary of her death. We actually had come to La Seu for her commemoration service when you had your fit.”

Remedios covered her mouth with her hand. Then she very timidly put it on his. The sensation felt strange.

“I am so sorry! I am so sorry…I didn’t know…I didn’t mean to…Please forgive me, Don Cesare!”

“Remedios. stop feeling sorry. Sorry for what? You haven’t _chosen_ to have your fits, have you? And please, stop this Don Cesare nonsense. This address is far too formal for our family habits. And you are my wife now. Please call me Cesare…Try to sleep a little bit. You need to rest. We should get out of Xativa as soon as possible.”

She lay back never letting go of his hand. She closed her eyes. The drug started working, at last. Her voice sounded slurred when she said: “Such sad eyes, Cesare. That was the first thing I noticed when I came to in the cathedral. Looking into your eyes. You have such sad eyes.”

***

They had planned to go up to the apothecary’s shop and the above apartment, pick up the most immediate things, return and then set out for the hazienda early next morning. The majordomo of the Borgia palace would take care of the rest and had been asked to sell the house. Although it very quickly became apparent to everybody that she feared crowds – a crowd meaning her being confronted with more than 3 family members at a time - and open space Remedios had insisted on coming with them because of her journal. She had hidden her diary under a floorboard in her room and she did not trust them to find it on directions only.

Walking through the busy town Cesare and Micheletto took her in the middle. However, nothing had prepared them for the situation they found on their arrival. The house had been raided by the mob.

It had plundered the shop and the rooms of the apartment.The most valuable items had been stolen, anything else had been broken or burnt. On top - and Cesare found this the most vicious act of all - the rooms had been defiled by people urinating or defecating on the floors. Even the walls were smeared with feces and showed the traces of urine. In the heat of the late afternoon the stench had already developed into pungent odor and added to the overall oppressive nature of the house with its low ceilings and shuttered windows.

Remedios, the useless key to her home still in hands, appeared to be walking stoically through the debris of what had been her former life but she broke into tears when she noticed that the family altar too had been plundered and burnt. She picked up a little shred of parchment which somehow had survived the fire.

“Mother’s picture. They have burnt mother’s picture of Christ at Calvary. It was the only memory I had of her. What have I done to them? They don’t even know me!”

Cesare looked at Micheletto. They both were at a loss for words. There simply were no words of consolation for this. Cesare put his arm around her.

“Come, Remedios. Let’s look for your journal and then let the hell get out of here. The sooner we are back on the hazienda the better.”

Luckily, nobody had defiled the floorboards above the hidden book. Remedios pressed it to her chest. She looked around the little space which had used to be her bedroom straightened her back and said: “Don Cesare, it seems that your wife is a very poor wife indeed. Her only dowry her journal and the clothes she is wearing. Maybe you still can make some money out of this once the dust has settled? But it seems I come to you almost as naked as I have come into the world. Of course, I have to offer those funny little fits which tend to embarrass not just me but anybody close. Would you still have me?”

She was trying to sound light-hearted but he sensed that it was a serious question. He playfully pulled at her strong dark braid. “No one but you could have convinced me to remarry. Your “funny little fits” will be a rare amendment to our family treasure.”

She was not fully convinced but her dimples started deepening. That was more than he had hoped for - but his friend Micheletto looked at him revealing the same air of concern he had shown in the church already.

***

Because Remedios was so shy Cesare ordered that she should be excused and have a light dinner brought up to her/his room and have an early rest. He also asked Micheletto whether he would mind sharing his room with him that night. The family watched his orders without commenting but he was sure that they would go for him at dinner time. Well, this had to be endured.

He saw to Remedios who had not tasted any food only drunken a little bit of buttermilk and made sure that she took another dose of the sleeping draught. He picked up the clothes he would be wearing the next day.

“So this is your room then, Cesare. I already wondered. Because the sheets and the cushion have such a nice smell. I wondered who had been sleeping in that bed. Where will you be staying then?”

Cesare felt embarrassed but he noted that she did not think it strange that a married couple would not share the bed. Ben Isa had been right. She had no idea.

“Dear me. They haven’t changed the sheets? I’ m so sorry. Our staff usually is very attentive. …But I think….I think ALL of us have been left unsettled by today’s events. I will immediately ask to have them changed.”

“No, no. As I said. I like the smell. Your smell. And it’s hardly worth having all the hassle for some hours only. So where will you be sleeping tonight?”

“Micheletto is kind enough to offer me his hospitality tonight.”

As she looked scared again he took pity on her and offered to sit with her till she had fallen asleep.

“You’ll be alright, Remedios. The potion will help you to sleep through the night. There is the little bell on the bed stand just in case. We will leave Xativa for the estate at dawn. Resting time included we should arrive there about noon. Nobody will dare to bother you there.”

He stroked her cheek, his thumb ghosting over her full lips. Immediately, her dimples deepened. Immediately, he withdrew his hand.

“I hope country live will be to your liking. Most of the family members find it dull at times. Especially in winter. This is why we keep the palace here. My father, Juan and the women they love to go to town and stay there, attending to business, visiting friends, doing some shopping. Micheletto and I prefer staying home. Too many people, you know.”

Remedios smiled up to him.

“Looks to me like your choice is the better one. Sitting in my room I have always wondered how it would feel like walking around, meeting people. As a child I would make up scenes impersonating all the different people and holding conversations. This could go on for hours. My poor father, it drove him mad. This is why Father taught me to read and write and gave me a journal. Just to shut me up…And now, now I have the freedom – in theory at least – to leave the house and walk around and meet people…now I feel too scared. Even the sky above my head does scare me…It’s so -… _enormous_...Although…I have always longed for the open, for the light.”

She bit her lips.

“Cesare, do you think this will improve? Will you help me?”

Thinking of the dark, claustrophobic house she had called her home he couldn’t help but feeling angry at her father. He had held her a prisoner and put her in a dungeon. Surely, he had needed to protect her from the mob but depriving a child, a young girl, an adult woman of any human company other than his felt like a punishment, too. He wondered about this relationship. Had her father really loved her?

He took her hand.

“It will take some time to get used to all those people in my family. And mind you, my family is a big one. But once you have settled in, I will show you around the estate. It has wonderful places including a waterfall. I simply love riding across our lands. And your own circles will get bigger and bigger. And if country side and I prove too boring for your taste you can always join the others.” 

Her eyes were dazzling.

“Does sound like a plan. A very good one.”

She curled up to the side. Obviously, she was preparing herself for sleep now.

“Would you mind leaving that little lamp burning? I would feel better if I knew that there is some light.”


	3. The Prisoner, 2

Family dinner proved to be an ordeal far worse than he had expected. Each reproach ending with the chorus “And _THIS_ after Lucrezia.” The only one who did not say anything and was merely watching being Micheletto. Feeling criticized from everybody woke his perseverance. He somehow felt like his 14 year old self being at loggerheads with his father again.

“Yes, _THIS_ after Lucrezia. You have _seen_ what they wanted to do to her in the cathedral. You have _heard_ what the medico told us. Have you not? You have _not seen_ what they have done to her home. She needs our protection. Of all of us. Not just mine.”

Vanozza was wringing her hands. The last time he had seen her doing this was his mother witnessing the great quarrel between his father and him which drove Rodrigo to pack him off to the Templars and the Holy Land.

“My dear Son. Cesare. You simply cannot marry on such grounds.”

“May I remind you that I myself had been married on such grounds by Lucrezia? We wouldn’t have this conversation if she had not offered to marry me. It was me who was waiting for my execution then.”

Cesare looked at his youngest son who was so very much the image of his mother. Suddenly, tears welled up in his eyes.

“Do you really think me capable to forsake Lucrezia’s memory? Do you really think I have sunken so low?”

His voice started trembling and he stormed out of the dining hall up to Micheletto’s room taking two steps at a time. Nobody should see his tears. His heart was racing. He lay down. He desperately tried to calm down. He had not been upset for years. He had not felt _anything_ for years. Why now? He did not want to ever feel again.

He heard a soft tap at the door. Micheletto’s sign. Three long, three short, three long. _Dididit dahdahdah dididit._

“May I come in, Cesare?”

“It’s your room, Micheletto. Please.”

Micheletto sat down at the foot of the bed but did say nothing. Such a comfort to have him around.

“Micheletto, I am so sorry.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. How is the family?”

“As upset as you are. But their emotions can be roused easily. They will be back to almost normal in some weeks. So no need to worry. It’s you I’m worried about. And Remedios, actually.”

He sat up.

“Worried? About me? Worried? About Remedios? Why? I will do anything in my power to make her safe.”

“My dear friend, to make her safe, won’t be enough, I’m afraid. You told me that she is a child, still has to grow up in some ways. You rescued her. At the moment, she looks up to you – like a child does. But what about the future? And you. I have watched you when you are around her. You seem to be a different person then. Breathing again.”

“But why are you worried? I don’t understand.”

“Because I fear that one of you or even both of you will get hurt…Ah…I’ m no good at such things. Let’s go to sleep. And I really do hope you aren’t snoring.”

***

The morning was crystal clear and promised another very hot day. They would have to travel slowly and make breaks for the horses. Cesare had arranged that Remedios should share the coach with his parents, his sister-in-law and niece riding in the second one and a third one to carry their luggage and Lucrezia María’s trousseau. The men would ride closely watching out for any unpleasantness that might occur. He had begged Vanozza to chaperon her new daughter-in-law to make her feel comfortable. Despite her doubts Vanozza seemed the most willing of his female relatives – even if it was for his sake only.

Being the tallest of the Borja women up until now she had started her good-will tour offering Remedios one of her dresses. Her own dress had suffered considerably through the events and the heat of the previous day. Remedios had been more than willing to accept although the result caused some laughter. The dress was too short and ended a hand's span above her ankles. Unveiled and wearing her long braid she strongly resembled a child forced to wear clothes she had grown out of a while ago. Her behavior added to the impression because she insisted on stroking the nuzzle of each horse, asking for their names and introducing herself to them before she was ready to sit in the carriage. Juan and Cesare’s sons were rolling their eyes.

Cesare bent down from his horse looking inside the carriage. Remedios sat beside Vanozza scarred stiff. His mother had taken her arm and hand for comfort.

“I would suggest to remain hidden behind drawn curtains until we have left the city gate and have reached open country.” He smiled reassuringly “Remedios, it’s just a safety measure. Nothing else. And Micheletto and I will ride at your side. I’m dead sure Xativa will find another distraction today. They will forget about you and us just like that.” He clicked his fingers.

  
Juan who would ride at the top gave sign and the Borja train set itself into motion. They were waiting at the city gate when the fire bells started ringing. Obviously, some fire had been detected in the quarter of the barber surgeons, medics and apothecaries.

“So you have burnt your ships…or should I say hers?” Michelotto said.

 ***

When they reached River Sellent more than halfway on their route they stopped to water the horses and break fast. Remedios volunteered to help to water and cool the horses although nobody had expected her to do something like that. Micheletto’s stallion and Cesare’s Arab mare were getting her special attention and an extra treat from the picnic. Despite her obvious inexperience the horses seemed to take a liking to her. None of them got nervous, kicked or bit.

Cesare used the break to check with his parents. Remedios had asked to get a quick introduction to the Borja family and had preferred listening to their stories to talking herself only asking questions when she had needed more explaining.

Rodrigo said: “She is doing okay. And she seems to be quick-witted. Thank god. …But _This_ …”

“I know, Father, but _THIS_ after Lucrezia…I know”

He turned to Vanozza. “Mother would you mind giving the “Alhambra” guest room to Remedios? It’s full of light and has a window seat with view on the landscape. I think she will like this.”

“What about you son? Will you share the room with her?”

“No mother, I will remain in my old room. And please, please stop giving me those looks.”

Vanozza sighed. “We will have to put on rails on the stair case. Remedios is prone to falling. Being in the tower and half a flight higher than the other bedrooms the “Alhambra” room does not really suit her condition.”

“Yes, I know. I will ask her to take care. But she needs light. Anything that keeps her from getting depressed. You should have seen that dungeon of a house her father had made her live in.”

He kissed his mother’s forehead. “Mother, you are the best.” Then he looked out for Remedios. He found her busy talking to his horse Nour.

“It’s not far anymore. We will follow the river. The hazienda is situated on a high cliff right between the village Anna and the town of Chella. That’s not far anymore. Maybe 2 hours. The road is slowly winding up to higher ground now.”

“Cesare would you mind if I walked? I would like to see the countryside. I have never seen the country. When we had to flee from Teruel Father made me hide in the coach throughout the whole journey. I was not able to see anything.”

She wasn’t used to physical exercise. She would exhaust herself but he could not deny her such a simple wish. Cesare felt how again anger welled up inside him. He knew if he had met her father he would have made him suffer. He would have beaten him to a bloody pulp. There was something completely exaggerated in her Father’s caution. Something simply did not feel right. Had her father really loved her? He took off his hat and put it on her head instead.

“You are not used to the sun and your skin is quite delicate. Take this unless you want to get freckles or sunburn.”

She smiled up to him and holding his hat with one hand she galloped away to the very top of the train her dark braid jumping. Juan stopped by shaking his head.

“Is she mad?”

“No, brother. Just happy.

  
That bet would have been won easily. He was sure that on their arrival Remedios would have covered one and a half times the distance to the hazienda. She was running from the top to the end stopping and talking to his parents, hopping down to the next carriage talking to Monica and Lucrezia María and even his sons then to the luggage coach at the rear making friends with the driver only to be darting back again to him and Micheletto.

Her joy was dangerously contagious.

“God, Micheletto. I must have gotten something completely wrong. I thought I had married at La Seu yesterday and got myself a wife. But that’s not true. Obviously, I have gone down to the market and have bought myself a little black filly instead.”

Remedios whinnied rubbing her cheek against his bootleg. His mare panted and bridled up.

“Careful, Remedios, careful. Don’t make Nour nervous. You are too close. What about riding with me for the last two miles?”

He got off to put her on the horse mounting behind. Remedios rested her head on his shoulder. It felt strange - almost like burning. And the stares of his family were searing his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nour (Arab) = light


	4. Water Lilies, 1

Cesare felt relief and pride when the hazienda came into view. The dark grey stones of its outer walls looked rather forbidding and the buildings were an agglomeration of different styles added at different times dictated more by necessity rather than a general plan striving for harmony. Nonetheless he felt a heartfelt welcome coming from those walls. This was home.

“Look, Remedios. The hazienda. This will be your new home. It looks rather stern, I know. But you will see we have made some effort and tried to make it more inhabitable ever since the peace treaty.”

She looked at the building then at him.

“You all were talking of the _hazienda_. But this is a real fortress.”

“The times have been difficult and fearful ones. And we are one of the few Christian families in a largely Muslim area. Especially the town of Chella is almost 100 % Muslim. I am really happy that we were able to keep good relations with them and are well respected. The room I have intended to give to you...we call it the Alhambra room. It has been decorated by Arab craftsmen from Chella. See those two large windows quite high up in the tower? That will be your room henceforth - providing that you’ll like it.”

“I’ll surely love it. There will be so much light in that room. You will have to show it to me immediately.”

The staff which had been left at the hazienda looked rather shocked when he introduced Remedios as his wife. Well, they would have to get used to it as much as he. He bade Juan to supervise the unpacking and led Remedios to the Alhambra room. Remedios started crying when he let her in. – That was somewhat unexpected and had not been his intention.

“You don’t like it? I am so sorry! Too Arab? I thought you might like it because of the window seat and the light.”

“No, NO! It’s just so wonderful! All those floor tiles with those flowers. Every day I will be able to walk through a field of flowers, even if I have to stay indoors. And the light! All this light!!”

She opened the windows.

“And this view. I can see all the way round…And is this Chella at the horizon?”

She used the back of her hand to dry her tears. There was no refinement in that gesture. It reminded him rather of a child’s. And then she completely caught him off-guard when she stormily embraced him.

“You know. This house is not unlike you. Rather forbidding at first sight. But then…”

He felt awkward. First the embrace. He did not know whether he liked being so close. And was this the impression she had of him? Forbidding? However, he had to discuss the matter of the staircase. Holding her at arm’s length he looked into her eyes.

“Remedios. There is one thing we have to talk about. It’s the stairs. I know, you are prone to falling. Ben Isa told me about the accident. We will put up a bannister. And I beg you to use it every time you walk those stairs. In addition, I would like to ask you to be very careful. When you feel dizzy or an attack coming please ask for help, don’t try to walk the staircase on your own then. Would you promise me this? My mother – she didn’t like the idea of giving you this room because of all those steps.”

She wouldn’t give him an answer immediately. She all of a sudden looked uneasy and was searching for words. But then she drew herself up and holding his gaze she said: “Cesare, you are my husband now and I don’t want to start our marriage with a lie. I have to make a confession. But don’t tell the others. Please! The accident… it wasn’t actually an accident. It should look like one. But it wasn’t.”

She searched his face and then she looked down at her feet. It took him some moments before the truth dawned on him. _A considerable number of those people tend to kill themselves, Don Cesare. That’s the real evil of this condition._

“But why? Why?” Her revelation rendered him helpless.

“I did not want to leave Father feeling guilty. It had to look like an accident, you understand? But I felt like I could not go on living like that anymore. I know this is a grave sin. This needs to be our secret. Promise me. Please.”

He led her to the bed and made her sit down. _He_ needed to sit down. He looked into this face with those unfathomably dark clear eyes. He had married his own dark reflection. He took her in his arms lightly stroking back the hair that covered her ear. The auricle was as white and delicate as a petal. He leant very close and whispered: “I promise. This will be our secret. I won’t tell anybody. But you will have to promise me too. Don’t ever do that again. Please.”

Her lips brushed his ear when she answered under her breath: “I’ll try, Cesare. I’ll try my very best. But sometimes the urge is so strong. Maybe it will get better since I have you and the family now. And I’ll promise to mind the steps.”

A hissing sound interrupted them. His youngest son Ángel stood on the threshold watching. He could not have heard their words. His eyes, as blue as Lucrezia’s, were ablaze. He looked the angel of wrath.

“Ah, Ángel, my son. What is it?”

“Grandma sent me to fetch you, Father… and HER. She has asked to have some refreshments being served in the great hall.”


	5. Water Lilies, 2

One of the lesser problems Cesare had to deal with at present was the wardrobe of his wife. It did not exist at all. She just had that simple black dress she had worn in the cathedral and the dress Vanozza had given her. None of those two could be deemed acceptable for an event as his niece’s wedding which would be due in 4 days now. Even the mantilla Remedios had worn on that fateful day and her rosary had been lost in the course of their rout from the cathedral.

Remedios was right: She had come to her new life almost as naked as a newborn. The only way to deal with it was riding to Chella and looking for something ready-to-wear at the bazaar. Clad in a Muslim outfit Remedios would definitely look very much the “stranger” or “intruder” she already was being accused of by some of the less favorable family members, including Monica and – most of all – his son Ángel. Very much to Cesare’s chagrin Remedios’ arrival had deeply troubled the equilibrium of the family. Monica and especially his youngest son were clearly opposed to his new wife. Most of the male members were not taking sides openly, merely biding their time and waiting to which side the balance would point in the end. His niece and his mother had opened an embassy trying to negotiate peace for Cesare’s sake. That left Micheletto their only true ally at their side and very much to everybody’s surprise Micheletto left no doubt that he would act as Remedios’ protector.

Lunch had been an ordeal for Cesare and Remedios because of his youngest son’s offensive behavior. The slightest of her slips to etiquette would be commented by rolling eyes at least. Poor Remedios would hardly touch anything for fear of his son’s poorly disguised quips. Cesare’s loyality was torn between his son and his wife. But before he could decide what to do Micheletto spoke up for Remedios – and left the family dumbfounded.

“Now, you stop your bad behavior, my son. It’s not worthy of a gentleman and far worse than any slip of table manners Remedios will ever be able to commit. You have no reason whatsoever to look down on her. And if I see another rolling of your eyes I will ask you outside to have a very personal word with you. And this conversation will include a very personal experience for your buttocks too. Have I made myself understood?”

This proved too much for Remedios – she jumped up and ran from the table. Micheletto made him a sign with his eyes to follow her and let him deal with the family. Cesare was almost at her door when he heard a muffled sound from inside. He found her lying on the floor. Remedios had fainted. He put her on her bed then ran to the door shouting for Vanozza.

“Mother, Mother, I need help. Remedios has fainted.”

His mother came running with her smelling salts. Remedios came round as soon as he held the smelling salts under her nose. She looked at him then at his mother.

“I am so sorry, Dona Vanozza, Cesare. I am causing so much trouble. I have brought strife into this house. Please forgive me. I did not mean to.”

Vanozza stroked her cheek. Cesare sitting on the opposite side took her hand.

“Remedios, I would like to ask you to show patience. Don’t be angry with Ángel. He was so young when…when Lucrezia died, only four. He has hardly any memory of his mother. He will have to get used to the new situation. It will take time, though.” Cesare sighed. “Please continue to be kind to him – and whatever he says, whatever he does don’t take it to your heart. Please. I have to admit my own grief for Lucrezia did not help him.”

Vanozza gave him one of her looks. Then she took charge and ordered Remedios to stay in bed and rest. She would need all her strength to get through the wedding with all those guests coming. She and Cesare would journey to Chella the next morning and get her some decent clothing and whatever was needed. Micheletto would look after her during their absence. Vanozza stood up looking very businesslike and determined.

“I will have to leave now. I need to talk to Monica. She will have to deal with the last of the wedding preparations on her own. Cesare, please keep your wife company.” She smiled at Remedios “I will come and look for your later that evening. We will have to talk about some things. I will need to take your measurements and I need to know your tastes. I would hate to pick the wrong dress.”

She kissed her on the forehead and left. Cesare saw to Remedios being tucked into bed. Then he sat at her side, holding her hand. He thought it best to distract her talking about mundane things asking whether she could think of something special she would like them to bring for her from Chella. She thought very hard and said:

“Maybe you could bring me some green and white silks for embroidery? And a tambour frame? I would like to give Lucrezia Maria a little wedding present. Everybody has prepared something. I am the only one who would come empty handed. I thought I could prepare her chemise for the wedding night. She told me that she loves Jasmine. I could put some Jasmine flowers on her nightgown. If I worked really hard I could finish in a day.”

She had not asked anything for herself.

“But what about you, Remedios? Is there anything you want me to bring for yourself?”

“Could you bring me ink and some quills, please? I would very much want to write in my diary. It helps, you know. Writing does help.”

Some silks and a tambour frame and ink and quills. He had expected her to ask for jewellery. But no, Remedios would ask for ink and quills. He offered to bring some of the writing utensils they kept in the library but he promised to get her some of her own from Chella. At least he now had an idea what to buy for her as a wedding present.

***

Vanozza and Cesare left early next morning taking the light one-horse carriage the women would use for such occasions or for visiting the neighbors. He was quite looking forward to that little trip. The two of them had been so busy because of the wedding preparations and Remedios’ stormy entrance into their life they simply had neither found time nor opportunity to talk in private. Cesare dearly had missed Vanozza’s counsel the past few days.

“What do you think of her, Mother?”

“You have taken a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, my Son. She is a good girl but she is frail. She will need a lot of care. You know, I have loved Lucrezia and I still do. Sometimes, when I need to come to a decision I visit her in the chapel asking for advice. But Lucrezia is gone. I have always wished that you would find yourself another wife. For your own sake. It’s so hard to see your beloved son walk around a living dead. And nothing and nobody to console him. I had always imagined that you would take a young and healthy girl and have some more children with her. I am not talking of love, Cesare.”

Vanozza looked at him caressing his cheek affectionately.

“But you being you choose somebody who needed protection. You are much more a Templar Knight than you yourself would ever want to admit. You have always struggled with your sensual side but I have not noticed that you have looked for satisfaction of your flesh ever since Lucrezia’s death. Sometimes, I wished that I would have been able to catch you rolling in the hay with one of our maids …or even two for that matter. I would have joyfully donated for some extra masses.”

She smiled only to get serious again.

“No reason to look scandalized. …But you don’t intend to have children with Remedios…She would be quite old for a child anyway. She is 38 already. At such an age, it would be dangerous to give birth for the first time. And there is her illness.”

Cesare concentrated on the reigns and the horse in front of them.

“Mother, I did not exactly choose Remedios. I rather feel…I feel she has been sent to me. For whatever reason, I am being put to a test. And I pray that I won’t fail.”

Cesare bit his lips then he looked at his mother.

“Please help me, Mother. I don’t know what I am expected to do. I am so afraid that I will fail.”

Vanozza’s eyes filled with tears. “O, Cesare. Have faith in yourself. Whatever is demanded of you, your heart will know the right answer. It will know what to do even if your head doesn’t. I beg you to follow your heart.”

***

It had been some 6 months at least that either of them had been to Chella which used to be a small but busy market town visited by the population of the surrounding area. Now, the Bazaar which had been buzzing then was almost void of people and they found themselves being one of the few customers. Their arrival caused some commotion and somebody shouted for the Mayor and the Alcalde being informed.

“May I ask what this is all about? And what has happened to Chella? It’s Friday morning. The Bazaar should be packed in order to get everything done before your Friday evening prayer.”

One of the merchants approached them.

“Don Cesare, we are so happy that you and your family still honor us with your presence. The Borja’s seem to be the only Christian family who would do that now. Ever since the peace treaty the Christian families prefer Xativa of even Valencia. They would buy from Christian merchants only.”

Cesare felt bad because most of Lucrezia María’s trousseau had been bought in Xativa. But they had not discerned between Christian, Jewish and Muslim merchants they had bought where they had been offered the widest range of choice and the best price. He asked one of the shop keepers to send a boy to inform Mayor and Alcalde that he and his mother would be honored to be received at the Mayor’s house before noon prayer. That should give him and his mother enough time to do their shopping. He gave the messenger boy a couple of coins for his services.

They first went to the silk and cloth merchants to buy some black velvet and silk. Remedios had told them that she would prefer black. Not just because she was in mourning but because she and her father had worn black as long as she could remember. They added a couple of meters of thin white linen and silk for Remedios’ underclothing and night chemises. Vanozza choose some wonderful but reticent silver and pearl trimmings hoping she could persuade her new daughter-in-law to have them put on some of her more elaborate clothes.

Then they set off for the local tailor who always had some ready-made clothes in stock. Of course, this being a Muslim town and a Muslim tailor those dresses would be fashioned in Arab style. Explaining the situation Vanozza gave him Remedios’ measurements.

“Ah, a tall lady. And very slim. Don Cesare, you will have to feed your wife a lot of our Arab sweets to make her a beautiful wife. If you don’t mind I will have some of them being sent over from my friend who owns the sweet meat shop. I hope you and your wife will accept this little gift as a wedding present.”

Cesare graciously thanked him convinced that the whole of Chella would know about his marriage within the next 30 minutes. Cesare and his mother picked a wonderful dress which the tailor explained to be a “Takchita” from Morocco. The pattern would allow the alterations to Remdedios’ size to be limited to a minimum. It consisted of a rather simple “under-gown” of silk the colour of old silver and an overdress of black silk opening at the front to show the under-gown. To show off the fabric of the under-gown it had vented sleeves as well. The belt was very broad and of the under-gown’s material.

All in all a reticent but very elegant dress that reminded Cesare very much of his Jerusalem days. He had seen Muslim ladies wearing similar clothing and – struggling with his sensuous nature – he had been wondering about their faces. Of course, the Arab ladies had been heavily veiled. He had always thought it a pity that married women would hide their hair under a veil. A veil. They would have to buy a veil too. He had to admit that seeing Remedios running about with unveiled girlish hair and her long dark braid jumping at her back the day before had given him more joy than he would have thought of still being capable. He would ask her whether she could bring herself to go without a veil in the house at least. But the veil indeed was somewhat of a problem now and needed discussion. An Arab veil was by far “too much” for the occasion and a Christian woman and its European version simply would destroy the harmony of this wonderful dress.

The tailor came up with an ingenious solution. What about the lady wearing an elegant turban made of the fabric of the undergarment? He was sure he could sow the drapery of a turban on a felt cap. Luckily enough his mother had even thought of taking the measurements of Remedios’ head because she intended to buy a straw hat to protect Remedios’ delicate complexion. His Mother Vanozza – she simply was the best. He gave her a quick kiss on the – veiled – crown of her head. Vanozza tried to hide her emotion behind chiding:

“God, your wife will definitely look a stranger.”

“She is from Teruel. Almost the heart of the Aragon kingdom whose subjects we all around here have recently become. Why should _she_ be considered the stranger then?”

Off they went to the cobbler to order some shoes and buy some ready-made black and silver arabesque slippers from Morocco to go with the dress. As he saw his mother’s yearning look he made her buy a similar pair for herself too. They visited the dry-goods shop for the silks and the tambourine ring when Cesare happened to notice some little feathery somethings that reminded him of the big fans used in the Jerusalem palaces. And indeed, the shopkeeper told him that those things were the diminutive siblings of the big fans he had seen in the Holy Land. Freshly imported from Egypt. The feathers from birds from the very depths of Africa.

Having warmed up to spending money, Cesare bought a series of those paddle fans: A red and black one for his mother to match the dress she would be wearing on the wedding, a delicate powder colored one for his niece Lucrezia María and as the most elegant and expensive of all a grey and black one on a long chased stem of silver for Remedios. Vanozza tried to talk him into buying one for Monica too. And although he hated her for opposing his marriage he would give in and buy a yellow and grey fan of Vanozza’s choosing.

He then picked a deep red Kashmir shawl for his mother and a silvery one for his wife. When Vanozza asked why he would not buy a shawl for his niece too he told her that he intended to give her Lucrezia’s pearl as a special wedding gift instead. Vanozza was shocked.

“You would part with Lucrezia’s pearl? This pearl is priceless. And I am not talking of its market value.”

“Yes, Mother, I will give it to Lucrezia María. Gladly. She is so very dear to me – she is the daughter Lucrezia and I were not allowed to have. It will make me happy to see her wearing Lucrezia’s pearl.”

Vanozza gave him another one of those looks he had started to call “Vanozza’s Very Specials” because he was unable to decipher their meaning.

Although they were being offered peppermint tea or coffee and those incredibly sweet Arab candy at each shop they started feeling exhausted already with so many things still on their list. Vanozza made him visit the perfume shop to buy some perfumed soap. He was sure Remedios had never been exposed to such luxury at her father’s house but thinking of her father he decided to buy her a perfume as well – just out of spite.

Choosing a perfume for his mother and his niece was easy. Despite her protestations that she would be way too old for such worldly things he insisted on buying Vanozza a glass vial of rose oil - just to see her face brighten up. He would buy another one of Jasmine for his niece but he would remain steadfast this time at not buying anything for Monica.

“Mother no. I am not buying any perfume for Monica or do you want me to get her a vial of camel piss? Her behavior really pisses me off. She is not 14 as Ángel; she is an adult woman who should know better than this child who had lost his mother at such a tender age…No!”

Choosing a perfume for his wife whom he hardly knew proved to be a Herculean task. The shop keeper brought vial after vial. His and Vanozza’s olfactory senses where stretched to the limit by sniffing all different kinds of oriental scents but they agreed that none of those perfumes would suit Remedios. They were far too heavy. Almost desperate the owner came with a clear glass shaped like a Greek amphora.

“If those oriental perfumes are far too intense and Jasmine and Rose oil are too sweet for her maybe water lilies could be the right thing. The perfume bears the sweet flowery bouquet of Rose or Jasmine but the scent is unobtrusive, will leave a mere notion of its presence only.”

Sticking their tortured nostrils in the vial Vanozza and Cesare and nodded. Yes, water lilies. That was Remedios. Her white and delicate ear shells indeed reminded Cesare of the fragile petals of a water lily.

They were glad that the shopping list was down to “easy” stuff now like combs and brushes and ink, quills and writing paper. Although – confronted with another wide range of extravaganza – Cesare decided - in addition to the original quills and a silver ink pot - to buy some green ink to go with the black and a range of silver nibs to be stuck on an elegantly carved wooden holder. Since he himself found writing with the silver nibs to his liking he bought a second set for himself although he choose a more massive holder to accommodate the writing utensil to his rather big hands.

The last shop they needed to visit now was the carpenter. He and Vanozza choose a delicately carved chest of friendly colored cherry wood for keeping Remedios` clothes. And then he saw his wedding present. He did not even have to order it. All the time it had been waiting patiently for him in this carpenter’s shop: A cherry wood lap desk with intricate ivory inlay to contain the writing utensils Remedios had asked him for. He really hoped that he had chosen the right thing for a wedding present but in his mind’s eye he already saw her using his desk while writing into her journal.


	6. Water Lilies, 3

They all had come. Not just the Mayor and the Alcalde. The whole town council and the Imam expected them. Cesare and Vanozza looked at each other. This had to be serious.

After being seated in the living room and being offered some more tea and candy the Mayor started explaining the situation. Ever since the new crusade under French leadership had been proclaimed one by one the Christian families had stopped coming to Chella. Trade had seriously been affected already. There were rumors about secret circles on both sides looking out for mischief. Especially the young men seemed to be involved in nightly skirmishes and provocations. So far nothing serious had happened but they were worried. Not just because they were the town council but because they were parents too. They would try to talk to their own young hotheads but they entreated the Borjas to open negotiations once again and talk to the Christian party. The Borja family had already proved themselves to be trusted mediators. Their word would be of value – on both sides.

Cesare was shocked. How could this have escaped him? All he had worked for, all he believed in, all that had given him purpose in life after Lucrezia’s death suddenly seemed at stake. Aragon had a singular opportunity to build a Jerusalem of its own. A peaceful one. Religious prejudice would only create war and destruction and sorrow – like the one in the Holy Land. He had seen it all as a young man. There was nothing, nothing to be gained. For any side.

Cesare asked whom they suspected to be the heads of the Christian party. He felt his heart stopping only to resume beating irregularly when he heard that Lucrezia María’s future husband was named to be one of the leaders. A considerable number of the names the council mentioned had been invited to the wedding. Lucrezia María. With Lucrezia María being so much in love with Esteban de Llançol it was impossible to call off the wedding. He could not and he would not break her heart.

Cesare and his mother shared a look silently discussing possibilities. …What about inviting the dignitaries of Chella as his and his father’s personal guests to the event? To show their colors? The town council nodded their consent.

“I know this is a very bold thing to ask of you but would you mind bringing your wives too? You should be invited not just because of your official function for Chella. You should be seen as families. Families who have been living in this area for generations and much longer than us. “

He felt how the men held their breath. This was very unusual indeed. Muslims would celebrate with men and women separated from each other in different rooms. At the wedding their wives would be sitting with men, strangers, at the same table.

Cesare tried to find a compromise:

“I know this will be hard on you and especially hard on your wives. But maybe we can make seating arrangements at the banquet accordingly so that you all will be sitting next to me and my new wife Remedios? She even speaks some Arab. …She is ailing a little bit and still needs a lot of resting. We could use that as an excuse why she and your spouses would adjourn to her room later and would not partake in the dancing. Would that work for you?”

The Mayor, the Imam and the other men were thinking. It could work. – Well, they all would have to ask their spouses first. But it could work.  
“But what about the wedding present? What should we bring as a wedding present? We don’t want to embarrass anybody.”

Vanozza had an idea.

“It does not have to be something expensive. But it should be something that is of Arab origin. Maybe something we don’t even think of as particularly Arab anymore…What about some Damask Rose shrubs to be planted in Lucrezia’s Marías new home? The rose even bears the Muslim heritage in her name. But we all – Muslims and Christians - love her for her scent and the rose oil. AND…the rose is one of the flowers the mother of Christ - St. Mary - is associated with.”

Vanozza started singing “Rosa das Rosas”:

_**Rosa das rosas e Fror das frores,** _   
_**Dona das donas, Sennor das sennores.** _   
_**Rosa de beldad' e de parecer** _   
_**e Fror d'alegria e de prazer,** _   
_**Dona en mui piadosa ser** _   
_**Sennor en toller coitas e doores.** _   
_**Rosa das rosas e Fror das frores,** _   
_**Dona das donas, Sennor das sennores.** _

They all took to the suggestion immediately. Cesare was moved. His mother was such a good diplomat. Although showing so much affection publicly was a serious breach of etiquette in both cultures – Christian and Muslim - he once again gave her a kiss on the crown of her head.

***

Juan did not hold back his opinion when Cesare and Vanozza broke the news to the family at dinner table.

“Have you gone mad? You want to entrust HER with such a delicate diplomat mission? She, who is so shy around people, she who hardly knows how to talk to us? And we are family. How is she supposed to make conversation to complete strangers then?...Not to mention her sudden attacks. You have seen her in the church. She might be able to embarrass the whole family."

For one reason or other he lately had started to be prone to hot feelings. Cesare felt anger rising but did try to remain calm – at least on the surface.

“Juan, would you stop talking about Remedios as if she were not present? Remedios and I have talked things through. She is well aware how much this will mean for the family. Foremost for Lucrezia María. And she is willing to do her utmost for our welfare. Remedios and Mother are the only females in this family who speak Arab. But we cannot burden Mother with just another task. Helping Monica with the other guests and the staff will be enough for her. And we can provide our Muslim guests with a good excuse why their wives would sit separately once the dancing starts without losing face. They will “volunteer” to look after Remedios keeping her company. And Remedios WILL NOT disgrace us!”

Unnoticed by the others and in an obvious attempt to soothe him Remedios` hand lightly touched his thigh under the table. When she started talking she appeared composed. Only Cesare would know about her real feelings. Speaking up her hand started trembling and now it was his turn to calm her by covering her hand with his.

“Juan, don’t worry. Please. I know, I am awkward in company. I am simply not used to people. But for the sake of this family and for Lucrezia María’s sake I will manage. I’ll promise. This falling sickness has made me unpredictable. Who knows better than I myself. But I have learned that I can rise to the occasion. During Father’s illness I did not have a single attack and I had to do deal with situations I would not have been able to dream of. Sometimes…it was hard…I…I had to leave the house and go to the market and deal with complete strangers… and act if this was normal. Sometimes, I was…scared beyond compare. But…but somehow I managed…”

Cesare had entwined his fingers with hers holding her hand tightly now. If she could deal with Juan like this all by herself - she would be rising to the occasion. He was sure. She just needed some backing.

Remedios took a deep breath.

“In addition Cesare, Micheletto and I will go through some kind of a trial run tomorrow. And we’ll talk Arab to give me some exercise. My pronunciation is somewhat quixotic because I have learned the language from books and my father only. But Ben Isa would understand me alright when I talked to him.”

Remedios turned to Lucrezia María who had been crying silently all the while.

“Lucrezia María, please stop crying. You will have a wonderful wedding. We’ll promise. The whole family will work hard to ensure that your wedding day will be a joyful one and will provide you with a good start into married life. And your uncle Cesare who loves you will do everything in his power that you and your new family will be able to live happily and in peace. Please have faith in him.”

  
Have faith in him. Remedios did show more confidence in his abilities than he himself had.

***

  
Remedios could not bear too many people around herself for a long time. The family sitting in the hall and talking in different groups would still prove to be too much noise for her as she had confided in him. She would retire to her room early but would not go to sleep. Cesare had made a habit to call on Remedios having a little talk and seeing her to sleep then. It had only been a few days but this had already been established as a custom and what had been perceived as a duty at first had developed into something he was quite looking forward to now.

He found her sitting in bed with the grey shawl wrapped around her shoulders and busy writing away with his wedding gift on her knees. She immediately put the lap desk on the empty side of the bed signalling him to sit at her side.

It struck him odd that she should feel cold on such a warm evening.

“Are you cold, Remedios? Would you like me to put on some fire in the chimney?”

“No, no! I am feeling rather hot I must confess. But I don’t want to part with your beautiful presents right now.”

She caressed her cheek with the fine cloth and then held it to his face, too. It felt soft and warm. A whiff of water lilies ascended from the fabric. She leaned towards the lap desk and took the sheath of papers she had been working on.

“Look, Cesare! Those are the designs for Lucrezia María`s chemise for the wedding night.”

She showed him the drafts. The drawings were skillful ones: One sketch showing a Jasmine blossom still closed and the other one a blossom already open. The third one was depicting both stages at once: Both flowers were sitting on the same fragile stem. Upon his entrance she had been working on the last one obviously adding some green ink on the black and white.

“The sketches are beautiful, Remedios. You are quite gifted. This must be something you have inherited from your mother. You mentioned that she had done a painting you had put up on your house altar.”

Remedios looked astonished but then her dimples showed.

“You would remember that? …Micheletto was kind enough to bring some branches of Jasmine for me to copy.”

She looked at him frowning:

“I had to size down my original plan considerably. There just won’t be enough time. I can only put some blossoms on the upper front and the cuffs, I think. Do you think Lucrezia María will be happy to wear it for her wedding night?”

The wedding night. Cesare suddenly felt sick bile rising to his mouth. Remedios noticed and leaning forward she asked:

“Cesare, are you alright? What is it? Please, tell me!”

He could not tell her. Not HER. He drew himself up trying to smile the situation away.

“Don’t worry. Maybe just too much coffee and sweets at the bazar. They serve it all the time. It’s really nothing, Remedios.”

She did not look convinced but would not insist. He bade her good-night kissing her on the forehead. Her dimples appeared immediately and she touched her forehead.

“The last person who did that was my Ama. She would do that every night. Kissing away my fears, she told me.”

She reached for the third sketch, the Jasmine branch.

“Cesare, I want you to have this. It’s the only present I can give you as a wedding present. But I will make up to you. I promise.”

He left wondering whether this could really work. One’s fears to be kissed away. He touched his lips. His fingertips seemed cool against the skin but his lips actually felt like burning.

***

The night before the wedding left him almost without sleep his heart pounding away. In the early hours he gave up on finding rest and decided to visit Lucrezia in the chapel instead. Although he never seemed to receive an answer he still would sit and talk to her. The chapel being decorated for the wedding looked a marvel with green garlands lining the walls and flowers decorating the niches and the altar.

Lucrezia’s burial place was close to the altar. He crossed himself and walked down the aisle to sit on a bench in front of her grave stone. He looked on the memorial slab on the floor reading the words which had been dictated by the enormity of his pain.

 

**_To the memory of_ **   
**_Lucrezia de Borja_ **   
**_beloved wife and mother._ **   
**_My Pearl,_ **   
**_your loss is_ **   
**_too much to bear._ **

 

He sat in the pew his mind forming the words without voicing them.

“Lucrezia, my Pearl. You seem to talk to others but you don’t talk to me. They tell me that talking to you does help them. Why this silence? I would need your advice so much right now…Lucrezia María, the whole family…I think we are in danger. How am I supposed to deal with the situation? I simply don’t know. …I am so afraid I will fail…I feel so lost without you. So utterly alone. Talk to me. Please talk to me.”

But once again there was just silence. Suddenly, he became aware of the smell. Lucrezia’s perfume. Madonna Lilies. The altar had been decorated with her favorite flowers. The smell seemed to be mocking him. Better to calm his nerves feeding his doves then.

***

Ever since childhood he had been fond of doves. From early on Cesare had been the one who took care of the dove cote talking to those birds about his little childish worries seeking comfort by holding them close to his heart. They had thanked him with being almost tame vividly cooing whenever he approached their refuge. And he himself had never given up the habit to resorting to them whenever his nerves felt aflutter. As he had adamantly refused to have them being looked at as an extra treat for the Borja dinner table the number of doves had been reduced to a baker’s dozen and racing birds. His father had the old dove cote pulled down and given him an aviary for them. There still was roasted dove on the menu but Cook would buy them on the market and he himself would never touch those birds although he did like duck or chicken and had no qualms of eating them.

However, 3 years ago a white breasted marten had found its way into the aviary and slaughtered most of his birds. Cesare then had a “Dove Cupboard” built in the wall on the far end of the hazienda on the very edge of the cliff. This “cupboard” was to be opened each morning and being closed after sunset to keep off their enemies.

The sun had barely risen. The lawn was covered with a row of tents waiting to give shade to the wedding guests during the banquet. He opened the cupboard and his birds started cooing expectantly in their nesting boxes. He reached for seeds he kept in a recess and started spreading them on the lawn. Most of the couples would immediately follow to pick the grass. He reached for the single bird sitting in one of the compartments holding it closely, stroking the feathers. He had never stopped talking to his birds – not even as an adult man.

“Good, morning Colombina, my love. I hope you had a better night than I had.”

Colombina would quietly sit in his hand her heart beating steadily. She loved being held and caressed by him. Suddenly, a wave of unrest rippled through the flock on the grass.

Looking up he saw Remedios crossing the lawn wearing her white night dress and holding the grey wrap close. As the chemise had originally been one of Vanozza’s it ended up well above her ankles. She had put on her old heavy boots to cover her feet. He had noticed before how tall and slim she was but now she struck him as downright willowy and frail. However, her dimpled smile warmed his heart.

“Good morning, Cesare. I hope you don’t mind my coming. But I saw you from my windows overlooking the court… Looking at you from there…you seemed…so lonely. I thought you could do with some company.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cantigas de Santa María, No. 10
> 
> Rose of roses and flower of flowers,  
> Lady of ladies, Lord of lords.  
> Rose of beauty and fine appearance  
> And flower of happiness and pleasure,  
> lady of most merciful bearing,  
> And Lord for relieving all woes and cares;  
> Rose of roses and flower of flowers,  
> Lady of ladies, Lord of lords.


End file.
